-with roots that go back to Wong Fei-Hung southern China & Jim Crow segregated Mississippi delta ✊
-Advanced/native learner of 6 languages [ability to watch movies without subtitles, fine way to assess proficiency btw],
-On-off beginner-intermediate of 9 [self-taught, coz i'd like to watch some foreign language movies sometime w/o subtitles])(I gave up learning several others)🇨🇵🇲🇽🇰🇷🇯🇵🇩🇪🇧🇻🇧🇷🇮🇹🇷🇺
-Think mostly in English
-Lone wolf better yet cat, more often than not 🦹♂️
-Mnemonist-autodidact, bitten by the memory bug in 2015 📀
-Left-hander (like Tom Cruise, Jimi Hendrix, Angelina Jolie, Prince William and his father, Obama, Keanu Reeves, Nicole Kidman, Lady Gaga, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Oprah, Bieber, Bill Gates, Whoopi Goldberg, Eminem, Greg Kinnear, Jim Carrey, Mark Zuckerberg, Hugh Jackman, Steve Jobs, etc.) 👍
-Aquarius ♒ (as mentioned birthday's on 11 Feb, RIP Whitney)
-Birthstone is Amethyst 💜
-Around the same height as some of my fav celebs such as Daniel Radcliffe, Bruno Mars, Jet Li, Elijah Wood, Josh Hutcherson, Jack Black, Katt Williams, David Archuleta, Aziz Ansari, Kevin Hart, i.e not tall at all 🚶♂️
-ca 115 lbs 🍽
-Singing enthusiast & vocal athlete (breath support virtuoso) 🎤
-Not surprising because of the potent presence of entertaining North American instrumentality, movies & music & media, growing up Malaysian in
00s, enabling an osmosis 🇺🇸🗣
-The English pronunciation go-to guy in class 🎖
-Was a sheltered in place hermit for almost 4 years, severe ASD manifestation 🐚
-Aspie (Bonafide Anxiety Patient, Social Phobic; Autism Spectrum Disorders, partially congenital) /Sperglord 🐧
-Not an alien from "Planet Aspergia" 👽
-Not a cyborg that feeds on zoloft, xanax, prozac for fuel 🤖
-Nor a vampire that ingests those pills for proper positive composed energy ⛲
-Ratiocinator, mature thinker, logical observer, dots connector, pattern discerner 🔎👀
-Deductivist-prioritizer
-Walkthetalk-er 🐅
-Spasmodic thought leader (in terms of life philosophy) 🗯
-Taciturn geek who sings more than he speaks🎙
-Born into an underprivileged household, working class, truly dysfunctional family, but still feel blessed and grateful notwithstanding
-By and large unrelatable 🎟
-Benjamin of the family 🐈
-Nerdy Homebody 🏙
-Thanks giver 🥂
-Random little content thinker/creator/cultivator 💡
-Describer 🎨
-Compelled social science thinker
-Instinctual observer of cultures, languages, education, psychology, sociology, history, law, economics, literature, linguistics, politics, philosophy, etc studies
-Catch-as-catch-can sleeper
-Used to be very competitive test taker in school - never once privately asked any teacher for any personal academic guidance - top of the science class, until relationship networks or circle, financial budgets, and mental saneness all became exigent 🏝
-Renowned for introverted studiousness, unassumingness, overall withdrawn weirdness
-Keeper of 2 Poetry Blogs @
WordPress (Honored to have certain poems approved by the late great free verse poet & published author & personal idol
Paul F. Lenzi) 🌸
-Voracious aggregator, reblogger, sharerrrrrrrrr 🌊
-Fertile member of 2 Poetry sites (Allpoetry & Hello Poetry) 🌻
-One ambition is speech/opinion piece writer, cuz of much more free rein 📝
-Own personal/empty websites @ Webnode
-Inactive member of Memrise, SingSnap 🏔
-Semi-active user of FB, WeChat, Gmail, YouTube, dead-Instaudio, Clyp, Reddit ⌨
-Got my 1st smartphone in 2015, Samsung📱
-Started using FB and Weixin in 2015; Gmail in 2014 cuz of school 📬
-Level 14 singer @全民K歌 (China Tencent karaoke app)(couldn't have reached this level without the scads of support from various strangers on there[mostly China people])🇨🇳🇭🇰🇹
-Follower of Buddhist teachings & wisdom, Namo Amitabha 🧘♂️
-Moderate adherent of Taoism, Confucianism📿
-Pescatarian (since 2011), wannabe vegetarian 🥦
-Liquid diet (cost-saving) challenger🥤
-Quondam collector of cuddly stuffed animals, thumb/flash-drives, old DVDs-VCDs, trinkets (now just Ringgit)
-Subscriber to minimalism (right for my background)
-Eager compiler (of lists) 📚
-Had climbing perches as pets, wailed for hours when the first died, supposedly female named Ryu 🐟
-Most loquacious when i'm texting anonymously online🗣
-Angry faced, word to the fwb
-I get stuffed/runny nose many a time, rhinitis outpatient, nose bridge damaged during 1 childhood fight 😷
-I only
swear/cuss in English cuz it doesn't sound that offensive in Malaysia
-When i find myself on the defensive, I can be very offensive,
polemicist, defender of my own viewpoints 🛡🤺
-Can't do the Asian squat, thus can't do no ancient squat toilet 🚽
-Like to talk at home in falsetto, protect my vocal cords it makes sense though
-Mutable night owl 🦉
-Small scale variety-is-the-spice-of-lifer
-Rather consistent👕
-No-Nonsense Rocker-of-the-boat💥
-Hyphenated-adjectives experimenter 🚵♂️
-Draw from mundane-everyday experiences & few-and-far-between near-egalitarian chances, rather than privileged upbringing and means, basically humanist👓
-Impatient shortcut-to-bigger-picture, seeing-is-believing(oh-so-realistic) predictor, thus not a long-drawn-out-equation-theory, mulish-done-to-death-pedantic-question thinker🧨
-Believer in UBI/PAS for targeted citizen groups post Covid, i.e minimum income guarantee
-Environmentalist in the most literal, truest sense
Confessions
-Experienced domestic violence, bullying, other
psychological stress/ACEs, thus anxiety, depression, identity crisis, insecurity, selective mutism
-Mostly
nonverbal from kindergarten through primary through secondary education
-Had severe
rhinorrhea prior to 2012
-My spine is slightly deformed by many years of carrying big heavy school bag
-From a badly off family that manages to keep the wolf from the door and keep our heads above water
-Was very very
agoraphobic
-Fear long-distance travel (fear of living beyond my means inadvertently)
-I'm not a good talker/speaker in general coz i'm quiet and reclusive all the time, and i don't have any real life human friends at this point (i'm an extremist)
-When I was leaving the school compound I walked faster and looked at my watch as if I only had 5 or so seconds until the place exploded.
-Had been one mentally abused, an indigent disenfranchised kid who again n again slipped through the cracks
-Struggled helplessly to act neurotypical
-Now i've stopped that crap
-by many indications, I did autistically
trade a large excellence lump of my SPM results with the accruals of
this &
this-Antinatalist; father is a failed toxic parent, who chose convenience over the well-being of his little children every step of the way, in every sense of the phrase
👍 👍 👍
-Love the idea of
curation
-Love serenity and peace
-Love free verse poetry laden with
imagery
-Love to soliloquize when alone, which amounts to a substantial amount of time
-Love useful free stuff
-Love people who dare to express individual style and personality, (
individualists, weird ppl)
-Love accents and languages
-Love soul-jazz & musical theater singing styles
-Love to watch battle rap (KOTD, QOTR, RBE, URL)
-Love nature, temperate climate (Malaysia)
-Prefer stray cats to pedigree ones for sale
-Prefer the tapir to the panda
-Once loved photography ephemerally in '11
-Love small-budget Indie productions (music and films)
-Fan of memory/mental athletes featured on China's Super Brain Show
-Interested in paranormal subjects
-Liked to create fight scenes on any microcosmic surface with my middle and index fingers
-Liked to help ESL people with their English (helped a few China friends on wechat throughout '16)
-Perfectionist about preserving and organizing my personally collected stuff (a sign of OCD)
-Love vampire sleep position
-Obsessive about personalization
-Love to philosophize
-Love throat lozenges
-Love funny animal videos
-Love plant-based food
-Love detours
-Love FB support groups
😻😻😻
-Favorite places are places that give peace of mind
-Favorite colors are black, white and silver
-Favorite music is beautiful melodies pleasing to the ear
-Favorite mainstream rappers are first n foremost The
WuTang Clan
-Favorite soul singers are Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight, Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles, Brook Benton, Patti Labelle
-Favorite writer is Jules Verne
-Favorite director is Hayao Miyazaki (love all his works, Princess Mononoke especially)
-Favorite painter is Thomas Kinkade
-Favorite martial arts movie stars are Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Donnie Yen
-Favorite action choreographers are Corey Yuen, Yuen Woo-Ping, Donnie Yen, Stephen Tung-Wei, Tony Ching Siu-Tung, Tony Leung Siu-Hung
-Favorite contemporary pianists are Richard Clayderman, Maksim Mrvica, prolly only 2 i know by name
-Favorite book I actually own is a Chinese translation of L'Oiseau bleu, got from a book fair
-Favorite superpower is time traveling
-Favorite childhood superhero is Dorian Leach from X Men Evolution, can't help it
-Favorite way to travel is prolly dreaming
-Favorite convenience food include instant noodles, canned longan, coconut-cream-coated peanuts, Cadbury chocolate bars, ice-creams, winter melon tea, peanut cookies, Milo, mooncakes, Julie's peanut butter biscuits
-Favorite dessert of all time is KoChaBi ice-cream, canned lychee
-Favorite sodas of all time are Pepsi, Coke, Sarsi
-Favorite ringtone is nokia's city life
-Favorite quality to find in a person is compassion
-Favorite scents include sea breeze, after it rains, sandalwood, freshly mowed grass, florist's, new books
-Favorite breakfast is cake rolls/ chocolate malt beverage/ white castle cookies
-Favorite snacks include Akiko Rice Crackers, Popo Muruku
-Favorite sport is memory sports
-All-time favorite Malaysian cuisine/street food are bubur cha-cha, bubur kacang hijao, curry puff, cendol, coconut water, douhua, grass jelly, ham chim peng, kuih talam, kuih ketayap, lapis sagu, Maggi goreng, nasi lemak, nasi goreng Thai, onde-onde(jian dui), certain roti canai, sugarcane juice, soymilk, teh tarik, youtiao
-Favorite political party/candidate is one most benign to the little guy
-Personal heroes include Gary Y., Nadine H.B, Gene B., Joaquin P., Sonia S. ......
👎👎👎
-Averse to
cliché ideas and corny points
-Sick of subservient
sycophants, fawners, ass lickers
-Detest
smug, stuck-up people & people who can't tolerate diversity and differences (personalities, viewpoints etc.) + sordid hypocrites, bullies & toadies of any breed
-and privileged weisenheimers
-Me have some phobias, including hemophobia
-Fear of asking for help and hikikomori styled inertia is something that tends to happen when I get long periods of not belonging to any social organization
-Sometimes stubborn as a mule and have a ton of things on the brain (OCD)
-Uptalk phenomena
-Rarely watch TV nowadays
-Not a Fernweh-Typ
-Don't like to follow trends; eclectic(also i don't have money to burn)
-Never been to gym
-Dislike video games of today, the only video games liked are Plants vs Zombies and some old Nokia games
-Stopped reading newspaper since 2013
-Shun novels (I watch movies (hardly ever nowadays))
-I don't use TV
-I don't really like contemporary pop music that much cuz most of it is dumbed down in my opinion, same as Hollywood flicks
-I have two left feet
-Unlike most people in Malaysia, i don't own a single traditional clothing of my race (yet)
-I don't celebrate birthday
-Never went to a tuition center, nor genuinely benefited from any library, unlike most Chinese people. Btw being able to go to a Malaysia tuition center for more than 1 year is a good indicator that Malaysian is well-funded in life
-I don't like my handwriting
-I'm reasonably gamophobe plus bachelorist
-I abhor all forms of covert racism, internalized racism, racial fetishization, much more than traditional racism
-Banned from r/singing for advocating self teaching
-Suspended on Twitter for liking/retweeting the wrong tweets
-Anger can certainly be a downside of ASD
-Using any bit of money to buy any bit of liking from people, again sycophants
- Very rare photos from Baby-childhood
Kagaya of Evolution
Posing from UniMAP
Early 2019
Posing from hometown
June 21, 2019
Posing from USM
Rambling late '17 aspie diary
I dunno why im doin this
i got time on my hand so here it is
this is gon be like a testimony for you to get to know me more closely
ima write this very ernestly with sincerity verity
what is this blog about
now lemme first give a shoutout
to all inspiring bloggers out there
whove inspired me to blog right here
they're mostly on wordpress but
i like wordpress too just as much
what am i doin mainly currently
learning languages and memorizing foreign vocabulary
apart from that just trying to be productive
contributing contents online like blogs and free music cuz im free
its all singin karaoke songs i mean, many styles like spices in curry
its good feelin it's worth it, to see ur vids on the computer screen published
i identify as an aspie, not an accident see
i have anxiety problems and that's in typical aspie galaxy,
after checkin online thoroughly, every link ferreted, and borrowed it
honestly ive really been through and through aspergic
all my life and now i aint ashamed
its a strength in some ways tho it's also pain
its hard for small-minded peeps to understand
cant blame em for their pea sized f up brain
but i will take the time and effort to explain and elaborate
its a result of genetic factors and environment
aspergers syndrome is these stresses
it suppresses depresses i address it
yes i profess i detest it
it pesters like memories of exes
its shitty going thru domestic violence
its shitty running into human thats pile of turd
bullies and lowlives scums of this fine earth
filthy people always giving others filthy look and hard time
they're worthless talentless and foul like fart or grime
they pick on kind gentle individuals
what a filthy thing to do but then again what do u expect from these residuals
the other thing they do best is to suck up to peeps in position of power
like slavish jester that dont shower
but would drink bath water thats sour
these people dont know how pungent their heart and soul and ego are
hurting innocent people with toxicity like the exhaust pipe of a cheap old car
they dont know karma but maybe we should blame their mamas
til they asses owned by karma still i wouldnt gloat like kungfu panda
and im a, nice guy i got manners i loathe that kind of smugness
i would just be quick to ignore it and its none of my business its been dusted
back to some pleasant things about this blog
so far i think its very close to the way i envisioned it before
provide you with some food for ya thought
it's great to write and customize and express stuff my way
cuz nowadays most blogs just look kinda same
im glad ive started it this february
its somethin new for me definitely
its like an art that requires some creativity
that most of my peer just cant find ideas to really do it neat
they mostly just repost stuff on fb and think thats easy
building a blog is just another realm they find too hard to reach
they'd rather show off their talent of eating or walking on a beach
or spending money like a wannabe
oh and why do i use english
english to me is newfound identity
a language that i've had a real personal relationship with
after learning it first languagely i earned that legacy became damn expressive
prolly coz it feels safer to utilize to write things like a diary where i live
but its a shame it invited jealousy from mad bullies or monkeys from unripe tree
who fail to master it after all these years being exposed to it and loving it obviously
or surreptitiously thats what i call hypocrisy don't worry they still scared of me
pointing the finger at me for what my language ability that perplexed me deeply
nah actually i just need to treat them like irrelevancies
the obtusity of these non-entities so blurry shouldn't bother none really
as ive mentioned before im learning new languages
which ones well french spanish german and more u can find out on a page here
the motive is simply wanting to pick up more foreign words
and to train my memory skills its been quite a dope reward
that's a thing about memory skills
u can memorize anything u want and its always fun and many thrills
its just like exercizing the brain and making it run on a treadmill, given a gun n a red pill
now its almost midnight
im dont know what to get right
ive been listenin to some ol school soul music gems lately
from the ladies of soul like ms franklin whom are real legendary
anyway what else ive been doin recently
oh yeah ive been doin some soul searchin
tryin to understand and find the reason get to da bottom of how i got this point and everythin with no cursin
ive done some research and joined an aspie support group on facebook
ive found out the reason most of us feel the way we do is due to bad childhood
experiences and now were back to that topic ive touched on earlier
growin up in a family thats violent and filled us with a ton of fear
curse words and disparaging remarks were loud and clear
seeing parents fight constantly physically and verbally
ear-splitting noises and cries n butterflies in the belly
plus we had to run for our lives being chased by a madman with a knife into an alley
thats how life was since i was an innocent baby
u know how babies are like they learn things fast
so i turned into a choleric agressive kid at last yea it came to pass in the past
and i started to fight back my folks the way i knew how
scratching skins smashing things refusing to back down
then later when i went to school somehow
i kept getting good grades and became a top student people were like wow
and still i was like having this split personality problem
like when i was at home i still couldnt stand them
and fighting around the house was still common
it was like ancient china's spring and autumn
and when i was at school i be like meek and solemn
and it was one point at high school that i decided to make amends and change
and gradually stopped behaving agressive kicked the habit cuz i felt its too strange
after getting all the As and the good name
it was also at that time that i started to read books on Buddhist teachings
one of them was about curbing anger and finding peace that id been seeking
that was the tipping point that i became a better me
in terms of behavior and later even stopped eating meat
i wanted to break free from the violent and crude family habit
tho the bullshit was and is still goin on damn it
how do i deal with all that well i try to reason with them everytime
i try to debate persuasively and get academic with them not fight
its no picnic and very problematic but i'll always try
yea last year i started taking medicine regularly
there was a crisis that led to me takin this seriously
i was in denial before this not willin to admit i was havin some issues
with mental health and kept thinkin i was just another introvert no big deal
i let the crisis continue til it got super real
and i would go to the clinic and get my medicines
and back home when its time to take em
and btw there was mom watchin monitorin
so i would just turn around quick and put the pills into my pocket
and drink water to give the impression that i wasnt duckin it
then when nobodys watchin i just threw the pills into the trash slapdash
like i said i thought the pills were gonna make me go insane
coz one time after i took em i had a stomachache
and another time it gave me a slight headache
and it didnt feel good it was like an earthquake
and in my mind i decided i didnt want anymore intake
cuz its bad impact like a car crash
plus at the time i was still in school studyin for tests
i was afraid the pills were gonna affect my memory and make me forget
so these are the excuses i came up in my head
so whenever there was a speaking event i would fidget
sometimes it got so outta control to the point its like a freakin trainwreck
anyway im just here gettin sumthin off my chest
the memory of wasnt able to rest givin it ur best in speaking test
and still lookin like i was bein possessed
feelin oppressed it was so much stress
it was like bein undressed in a slugfest
or lost in a desert somewhere in the wild west
so i was too afraid to talk in public i was like cat on hot bricks
whether its strangers or people i knew it still scares me stiff
cuz id been bullied for a long time in elementary school
the imprint was deep in my mind and it haunted me like a ghoul
im mincin no words here ima put my cards on the table
theres a vile despicable female bully i had the misfortune of bein seated next to
shes an unattractive scrawny swarthy chinese gal not the sharpest tool
yet she had the brazen gall to ill-treat and ridicule
a good quiet student like me for two years its despicable and cruel
she was most despicable not gru her aura was like a cesspool
shes just obnoxious and abominable common as old shoes
she was an endless nightmare like a jason with mask full of screws
whenever i think of bully first thing that comes to mind is the face of that fool
and then that movie by ronny yu
well thats a long long time ago now like water under the bridge
i dont know her now not sure if shes still an abhorrent bitch
there were a few bullies i've met after this midge
that got me wonder why are bullies ive met always bad at english
yet they dont admit it they like to show it off clownish
and they're mostly of chinese or indian ancestry
i mean bullies could be any color but they certainly shady
like any kind of shit found in the trash bin
i mean they got no glow in their skin
is it because they so full of sin within
and i gotta take it on on the chin
everytime i meet them when will this end
they need to realize their sins will never win
when they get their comeuppance their heads will spin
yea im just lettin off steam thru writin
now lets get back to this blog
its a positive thing i done id like to say like the inspirational quotes
ive included here they're selected for a purpose
ive been havin the mentality of comparin myself with others
its not the way to live life its not right
it may sound trite but everyone is different why
cuz we werent born with the same rights the same might
if ur not welloff then u always get the short end of the stick
its the rich people that have more options to pick
when i was at school i didnt realize it
everyone looks the same in uniform u cant tell which one is wild rich
and which one is strugglin
when u leave school u get a rude awakenin
u go on fb and find out how rich theyve been
the whole time and i gotta say i love bloggin
in my own sweet time or just ownin
a blog that's neat and feels like an inn
here u can write about anythin u can imagine
now more about me being an aspie
i guess i was born as an aspie
my familys always been kinda crazy
and violent and all sorts of things
too much skeletons or elephants and im revealin i gotta come clean
now according to mom before i was even born
my father wanted a son no more girl like my sister he warned
or else he was gon explode like a place thats war torn
then they all prayed the second child was gon be a boy
and then itd be ok or great like yay
and when the doctor confirmed that it was a good day
for them but not for my uncle and this aint just hearsay
he had my cousin earlier whos a girl and he got jealous that old chinese way
of thinkin he told grandma to perform a ritual when moms pregnant
involvin red candles and incense thats just unusual too overzealous and flagrant
he was not behavin like good sane parent or adolescent
with this indignant incessant obsession with ancient chinese disposition supersitition thats just repugnant
he said it was done to avoid any unwanted consequences that could affect my cousin
thats the reason hed given for all those nonsense
that was the dirt and drama shortly before my birth
then when i was a toddler i could notice my big family in late 90s was crazy n weird
a lot of fightin arguin hurtin feelings hurlin things it was angry n fierce
loud shoutin and weapon wieldin causin me to be constantly in fear
but still i was happy i was little i got some friends who were dear
to me that i played with all day no matter the weather
we didnt have high tech stuff to play it was all simple and austere
running around the house and backyard those were some fun years despite the stressors
my friends and i had this in common which is our families were dysfunctional
we were too young to see or understand it all its understandable
thats why were just happy children affable and adaptable
thats why they say ignorance is so damn blissful
now lets answer the question how my folks got together
it wasnt real love but instead outta family pressure
a kind of save face gesture or endeavor
mom had an ex she says even to this day he was her real lover
then somehow they broke up and he got married with another girl however
side note this ex of hers is also an evil character
as a black magic practitioner and a hateful person
he wished bad stuff upon her future family and children
so anyway she was in her thirties and decided to marry she thought whoever
and she was introduced thru a matchmaker to my father
who was also the same age and desperate to find a partner
and she lived with family members that were hostile toward her
and had threatened to sever family ties with her prior
especially her third brother and his wife a vile couple threatened to hire killer
a little bit about this third brother of hers
when he married his wife he felt he found the love of his life
he listened to everythin she said and would always comply
thus his battle cry was rife strong arm tactics intensified
cuz her wife hated grandma and always beat her up
til grandma nosebled and she still hadnt got enough
she would tell her husband that shed been treated bad and rough
by a little old lady who was just sayin stuff with her mouth
and that man loved her so much so he would believe all her stuff
and lash out at grandma again at night they shouldve been handcuffed
and mom tried to defend grandma but couldnt she was chewed out crowded out
then threatened to be snuffed out or cast out
murderous gangsters she couldnt endure
plus shes also sneered and jeered
and she felt its time for drastic measures
married my father in haste and now complains at leisure
realizin its no better cuz she found out later
that my father was a violent man too what a shocker
he seemed nice when they were datin a gentleman or cavalier
but now hes a monster like khmer
all along he was a weapon with a silencer
once hed fought with his brother with a cleaver
my uncle whos no better also violent and fierce for sure
hes the madman who chased us into an alley i mentioned earlier and further
its affected my life as second generation of two parents with mental disorders
both are possibly bipolar just look at the record
it doesnt take a professor to see the pattern and put two and two together
its such a displeasure livin at the mercy of oppressors
no wonder i have aspergers i tend to shiver when im with my peer
cuz im so insecure but im inured
and nowadays i try to be more spiritual
i try to escape the bad genetics and culture tho its quite unnatural
i try to trace my familys bad history check out the link called confessional
and the facts on there are always expansible
cuz my familys still crazy dramas still plenty its not easy
i dont know how to to deal with it and i choose not to honestly
one second they're ok talkin morality and propriety
and soon they're back at it no consistency no integrity
u know they're always noisy and angry this happens daily
the impulsivity and they always use words that are obscene
somethin petty could turn ugly lickety-split
even neighbors cant stand it
and i dont have a room to hide in
im right in the middle when they're goin at it throwin a fit
thankfully i got headphone that i use to listen to loud music
on the laptop and that helps me ignore all the bullshit
and im on antidepressant it makes me think positive
thats why i got the wits to come here and do this
to tell the home truths that are unvarnished
to share a little bit about me and my life story
to find some healin thru writin on this online territory
im so sick of my father tellin me threateningly
the wifi im usin he could take away any minute
i dont play no video games dont watch no tv
(btw he bought himself a huge tv flat screen and hd its a luxury)
i dont watch videos nowadays that are bein shared virally
the simple meals i eat daily are basically
rice eggs and greens or veggies no afternoon tea no coffee
and i dont eat meat so no pork no KFC
and i dont go out and sightsee no wastin no money
i dont buy stuff from outside not even cheap dvds
i aint even seen special id or ip man 3 tho im still fan of donnie's movies
ive stopped watchin any of these new flicks even if they on netflix
tho some seem excitin with donnie as sidekick
im just penny pinchin scrimpin and savin
cant let nuthin dip into my savings
i just highly disagree to live beyond means
no kiddin im livin on a shoestring like an extremist minimalist
im such an extreme aspie the subject is very heavy
the fact that my family is workin class makes me dread the idea of extra fees
i dont have a bed to sleep i just have a matress
i dont have a writing desk i use the dining table instead
i get the heebie-jeebies on a daily basis
thats what holdin me back panic attack tho im good at so many things
for example usin memory technique to memorize anything
from random digits or facts to foreign vocab with high speed
hittin difficult notes beltin when singin karaoke
i run circles round most people who dare to compete
i have blogs with hundreds of imagery poetry
all in english and this language is not even native to me
ask around who couldve done all this with such family dynamics
now i wanna talk bout being ocd
its another trait of me being an aspie
i tend to think bout many things simultaneously its no hyperbole
its a struggle wantin to get so many things done at once its taxin its unhealthy
spreadin myself too thin is a contrary worry sometimes its hard to breathe
when all u think bout is getting the things u hoarded in order or done perfectly
correctly if not u just cant go to sleep
its plain to see this is the definition of livin with ocd
its been a progression of obession and compulsion
startin from cuttin pics i liked outta newspapers
or other readin materials i gathered
round the house they piled up like mountain
i was super ocd about it then i demanded meticulous precision
usin knife pencil chopping board and several rulers
it was too much work its more than just a quirk
many times i went berserk when i botched up the handiwork
i would take it to a store where they got laser printer its absurd
it was a time i was in elementary school i had no computer then later
when i did my ocd got worse when i discovered
movies that piqued my interest online then i started
spendin huge amounts of money time and energy on buyin huge sums of dvds
then it transitioned into another phase of crazy
when i sank my teeth into burnin blank dvds
on the computer all day and night on my own
even set the alarm clock thats how i kept my nose to the grindstone
its like bein alone yet unbeknown in a frigid zone or a cyclone thats full blown
lookin back on all this i know ive grown
lookin back it all seems so pointless and silly its much more than quirky
now at this stage im more matured and at peace
i dont desire material things but i still want my cabinets and shelves to be neat and tidy
i just wanna let go of these thoughts that occupy my mind rent free
and focus on whats most important before me
im learnin to clear my mind whenever necessary
but it seems only medication could be the remedy literally
and tranquilizer to help my heartrate be calmer my brainwave be firmer
so my impetus motivation would be stronger
my focus and concentration be better sharper
i wanna learn useful things and control my mood not let it swing rapidly
this is key so that i can be the best version of me
goin into my twenties better yet a bel esprit
more glory victory prosperity liberty ---yours truly
and this is all just rant really so dont take it personally
this is just one silly way for me to find some relief
now ive run outta things to talk bout so ima say peace
Koleksi: ChinHooi Ng's kind of Kata2 & Hikma & Pujangga & Mutiara
- "Agama tidak pernah mengecewakan manusia. Tetapi manusia yang selalu mengecewakan agama."
- "Anda hendaklah lebih banyak berfikir dan bercakap tentang pengalaman-pengalaman yang menggembirakan daripada pengalaman-pengalaman yang membawa duka nestapa."
- "Anda memiliki musuh? Bagus. Itu artinya Anda berdiri untuk sesuatu, suatu saat dalam hidup Anda. - Winston Churchill."
- "Anda tidak akan berasa penat sekiranya melakukan perkara yang anda suka."
- "Berdiam diri itu adalah hikmah (perbuatan yang bijak) sedangkan amat sedikit orang yang melakukannya."
- "Berterima kasihlah kepada pokok yang memberi anda perlindungan dengan tidak
memusnahkannya." - "Bukanlah harta itu seperti kesihatan dan bukanlah nikmat itu seperti jiwa yang baik."
- "Bukti yang paling jelas tentang ketajaman akal fikiran seseorang ialah apabila ia dapat mempernyatakan apa yang ia mahu dengan secara ringkas."
- "Ciri orang yang beradab ialah dia sangat rajin dan suka belajar, dia tidak malu belajar daripada orang yang berkedudukan lebih rendah darinya"
- "Dalam kerendahan hati ada ketinggian budi. Dalam kemiskinan harta ada kekayaan jiwa. Dalam kesempitan hidup ada kekuasaan ilmu"
- "Dunia bukanlah tempat menunjukkan kekuatan tetapi untuk kita rasai nikmatnya."
- "Gantungkan azam dan semangatmu setinggi bintang di langit dan rendahkan hatimu serendah mutiara di lautan"
- "Hanya ada satu kesuksesan, yaitu menjadi mampu menghabiskan hidup Anda menurut jalan Anda sendiri - Christopher Morley"
- "Harta akan habis digunakan tanpa ilmu tetapi sebaliknya ilmu akan berkembang jika ianya digunakan."
- "Hati yg terluka umpama besi bengkok walau diketuk sukar kembali kepada bentuk asalnya."
- "Ikhlaslah menjadi diri sendiri agar hidup penuh dengan ketenangan dan keamanan. Hidup tanpa pegangan ibarat buih-buih sabun. Bila-bila masa ia akan pecah"
- "Imaginasi menguasai dunia."
- "Jangan sekali-kali kita meremehkan sesuatu perbuatan baik walaupun hanya sekadar senyuman."
- "Jadikan dirimu bagai pohon yang rendang di mana insan dapat berteduh."
- "Jadilah dirimu sendiri, ekspresikan dirimu sendiri, yakinlah pada dirimu sendiri, jangan pergi dan mencari kepribadian sukses dan menduplikasinya"
- "Jangan menjadikan sukses sebagai tujuan, lakukan apa yang Anda cintai dan percayai maka sukses akan datang dengan sendirinya - David Frost."
- "Jangan takut terlambat. Yang paling bahaya adalah berhenti dan langsung tak bertindak."
- "Jika Anda ingin menghidupi hidup yang penuh dengan kenangan, Anda harus menjadi orang yang ingat untuk mengingat. - Joshua Foer."
- "Kalau kita melakukan semua yang kita upaya lakukan, sesungguhnya kita akan terkejut dengan hasilnya."
- "Kata-kata itu sebenarnya tidak mempunyai makna utk menjelaskan perasaan. Manusia boleh membentuk seribu kata-kata, seribu bahasa. Tapi kata-kata bukan bukti unggulnya perasaan"
- "Kata-kata yang lembut dapat melembutkan hati yang lebih keras dari batu.Tetapi kata-kata yang kasar dapat mengasarkan hati yang lunak seperti sutera"
- "Kawan yang sebenar ialah seorang yang dapat menerima diri anda yang sebenar"
- "Kegembiraan ibarat semburan pewangi, apabila kita memakainya semua akan dapat merasa keharumannya. Oleh itu berikanlah walau secebis kegembiraan yang anda miliki itu kepada teman anda."
- "Keikhlasan itu umpama seekor semut hitam di atas batu yang hitam di malam yang amat kelam. Ianya wujud tapi amat sukar dilihat"
- "Kekayaan bukanlah satu dosa dan kecantikan bukanlah satu kesalahan. Oleh itu jika anda memiliki kedua-duanya janganlah anda lupa pada Yang Maha Berkuasa."
- "Kematangan adalah apabila kita dapat belajar untuk mendengar."
- "Kemenangan terhadap diri sendiri adalah lebih baik daripada kemenangan terhadap orang lain."
- "Kita selalu lupa atau jarang ingat apa yang kita miliki, tetapi kita sering kali ingat apa yang orang lain ada."
- "Lebih mudah untuk memenuhi impian kita yang pertama daripada cuba untuk mengejar
impian-impian lain selepasnya." - "Lelaki yang bijak dapat membaca buku & kehidupan sekaligus."
- "Lidah yang panjangnya tiga inci boleh membunuh manusia yang tingginya enam kaki."
- "Matang adalah apabila anda boleh memberi pendapat anda secara ringkas, mudah difahami dan positif."
- "Matang adalah apabila kita berhenti melayari internet tanpa sebarang tujuan."
- "Matang adalah apabila kita boleh memikirkan nasib dan keadaan orang lain pada situasi yang lain daripada hidup kita."
- "Matang adalah apabila kita sedar bahawa kesepian itu bukanlah satu perasaan yang menyedihkan. Kadangkala ia membantu kita melihat jawapan kepada persoalan yang belum terungkai."
- "Menulis sepuluh jilid buku mengenai falsafah lebih mudah daripada melaksanakan sepotong pesanan."
- "Moto hidup saya adalah 'Ambillah resiko' Anda tidak memiliki suara jika Anda tidak melakukannya. Anda harus berusaha di luar batas Anda. Itulah kehidupan yang sesungguhnya. - Kelly Wearstler."
- "Nafsu mengatakan perempuan itu cantik atas dasar rupanya. Akal mengatakan perempuan itu cantik atas dasar ilmu dan kepintarannya. Dan hati mengatakan perempuan itu cantik atas dasar akhlaknya."
- "Orang pengecut ialah orang yang melihat sesuatu yang benar tetapi tidak melakukannya."
- "Orang yang benar-benar ingin berjaya akan mula memotivasikan diri sendiri terlebih dhulu,
kerana hanya dia yang memiliki kunci penggerak dirinya." - "Orang yang matang boleh diajar dan suka untuk diajar"
- "Orang yg paling berkuasa adalah orang yg dapat menguasai dirinya sendiri"
- "Pemenang adalah mereka yang memiliki tujuan pasti dalam hidup. - Denis Waitley."
- "Sebuah pengakuan harus menjadi bagian dari hidup baru Anda. - Ludwig Wittgenstein."
- "Selangkah demi selangkah dan pekerjaan akan selesai. - Charles Atlas."
- "Sembahyang itu ketenangan. Ketenangan benihnya kepintaran, kepintaran itu jawapnya kecemerlangan."
- "Sesungguhnya lama bersendirian itu dapat memahami untuk berfikir dan lama berfikir itu adalah petunjuk jalan ke syurga."
- "Setiap malam sebelum tidur,anda perlu menetapkan satu matlamat di dalam minda &
menguatkannya dari hari ke hari" - "Setiap mata yang tertutup belum bererti ia tidur. Setiap mata terbuka belum bererti ia melihat."
- "Sukses bukanlah kunci kebahagiaan. Kebahagiaan adalah kunci kesuksesan. Jika Anda mencintai pekerjaan Anda, Anda akan menjadi orang yang sukses"
- "Sukses itu tidak lebih dari beberapa hal sederhana yang dilakukan secara disiplin dan dipraktikkan setiap hari "
- "Sukses tidak diukur dari uang atau kekuatan atau status sosial. Sukses diukur dari kedisiplinan dan kecantikan dalam diri Anda - Mike Ditka."
- "Tiada hiburan yang lebih murah daripada membaca"
- "Tidak ada kebaikan bagimu untuk mempelajari apa yang belum kamu tahu sedangkan kamu belum beramal dengan apa yang kamu tahu."
- "Tidak ketawa walaupun sehari amat merugikan."
- "Tidakkah Anda tahu bahwa kesempurnaan hidup berarti akhir dari sebuah seni? - Robert Musil."
- "Tidak pernah ada kata terlambat untuk menjadi orang yang Anda inginkan - George Eliot."
- "Tidak pernah wujud orang malas. Orang yang dianggap malas ialah orang yang tidak dapat mencari pekerjaan yang sesuai dengan minatnya."
- "Tidak penting sama ada berapa lama kita hidup. Yang penting bagaimana keadaan kita semasa hidup."
- "Tidak penting seberapa lambat Anda bergerak selama Anda tidak berhenti. - Confucius."
Some Souvenirs
C is for Coherent, clarity of mind
H is for Helpful, going to the aid of others
I is for Immaculate, carrying out things to perfection
N is for Neat, carefully organized
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H is for Heroic, stepping out to help
O is for Optimistic, nothing keeps you down
O is for Oasis, exuding peace
I is for Illustrious, your accomplishments are many
N is for Noble, an honorable heart
G is for Grateful, always showing appreciation
